Column: ACRN’s Oscars 2019 Recap

By Maria Lubanovic, Copy Editor and Ceara Kelly, Staff Writer

It’s Oscars time again and somehow ACRN still trusts us to cover the awards.

Unlike ACRN, the Academy could not find a host who they trust this year, so instead of suffering through a horribly cheesy opening referencing every Best Picture nominee, we get as close to a real Queen concert as we can nowadays, with the surviving original band coming out with current frontman Adam Lambert. They only performed two songs, but it surprisingly wasn’t as bad as the historical inaccuracies in Bohemian Rhapsody.

Mama Mia: Here We Go Again is in the opening montage? Oscars are now perfect.

Amy Poehler, Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph are giving what is typically the host’s opening monologue, and honestly, they should’ve just hosted the whole thing.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Regina King

Everyone in this category is spectacular and deserved a win.

Check out our review for If Beale Street Could Talk

Best Documentary: Free Solo

This film is absolutely ridiculous and frankly downright horrifying. But it’s a masterpiece.

Makeup and Hairstyling: Vice

It’s a well-known fact that if you put a skinny man in a fat suit and tons of prosthetics, you win this category. Also if Christian Bale is in your movie because he’s actually a shapeshifter.

Melissa McCarthy and Brian Tyree Henry came out in full Mary Poppins and The Favourite costumes (with 800 bunnies included).

Costume Design: Black Panther

Production Design: Black Panther

Hannah Beachler, the production designer, was not only the first African American to be nominated in the category but is now the first to win it. Congrats!

Check out our review of Black Panther.

Jennifer Hudson then comes on stage and kills her performance of the Oscar-nominated song I’ll Fight”.

Best Sound Editing: Bohemian Rhapsody

Look, if you didn’t get Best Sound Editing for a movie that’s full of concerts, you didn’t do your job.

Best Sound Mixing: Bohemian Rhapsody

Again, see above.

Our Bohemian Rhapsody review can be found here.

So far, the no-host thing is really keeping things from dragging on. Unfortunately, that means so many fewer stupid things for us to comment on.

Best Foreign Language Film: Roma

Considering it’s nominated for the mainstream Best Picture award, it would be a shock if it did not win.

Bette Midler comes out to perform Mary Poppins’ nominee for best original song, “The Place Where Lost Things Go”. Her voice is still one of the best ever, and her dress is a perfect fit for the movie. Ugh, we love her.

Best Film Editing: Bohemian Rhapsody

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Mahershala Ali for Green Book

Best Animated Feature Film: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

At this point, Maria has abandoned me (Ceara) to do resident assistant things (her job), so I have the full say over this article. Let it be known that Smallfoot was robbed of a Best Animated Picture nomination, but the rightful winner did indeed win.

Wayne and Garth present best picture nominee Bohemian Rhapsody.

Awkwafina and John Mulaney go to the Oscars for the first time and present. They look like a disco ball and a couch, respectively.

Best Animated Short Film: Bao

We all cried, but we also acknowledge the part where she eats the Bao and the whole theater goes silent. Additionally, we understand that One Small Step won the award for most emotional turmoil caused in under eight minutes. I spent four of the eight in tears.

Our Oscar Animated Shorts column can be found here.

Best Documentary Short Subject: Period. End of Sentence.

This amazing documentary can be found on Netflix and is worth a watch.

Best Visual Effects: First Man

Honestly, this movie had some of the best space effects ever – so good they are scary.

Check out our review of First Man here.

Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga proceed to make everyone uncomfortable as they get painfully close to each other while performing Best Original Song Nominee Shallow”.

Best Live Action Short Film: Skin

Brie Larson and Samuel L. Jackson were presenting Best Original and Adapted Screenplay, and all it did is make me want Captain Marvel to be out already.

Best Original Screenplay: Green Book

Ugh. Why not The Favourite, though? Like, come on.

Best Adapted Screenplay: BlacKkKlansman

That’s right Spike Lee finally won and then proceeded to be bleeped for a very long time because he’s EARNED IT. Spike Lee also high key tackles Samuel L. Jackson and it fills us with great joy.

Our review for BlacKkKlansman can be found here.

Best Original Score: Black Panther

Best Original Song: “Shallow” from A Star is Born

I’ve now sighed for the longest time ever because this song is overplayed and boring if we’re being honest.

In Memoriam is sad. Rest in peace Stan Lee and others. Thank you for your contributions to film. Also, maybe one day, our faces will be on there, and they will mix up our names because we’re always together.

We just saw the most beautiful Hennessy ad of all time.

Barbra Streisand? Are you here to yell at our generation for remaking A Star is Born? Nope. She’s just here to introduce BlacKkKlansman.

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Rami Malek

What a class act. The first thing he does is thank his mom. Ceara is horrified by the knowledge that they cloned Freddy Mercury’s actual teeth to make the flipper Malek wears through the movie.

Rep. John Lewis and Amandla Stenberg present Green Book. Her hair looks incredible and Rep. Lewis makes an iconic speech about how racism scars America and his own face.

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Olivia Colman

Emma Stone bawling is a mood. Olivia Colman cries, laughs, can barely talk and surprisingly, hasn’t been bleeped once. She just stands up there and thanks literally everyone ever.

Read our review of The Favourite (which should have freaking swept more of these categories) here.

Achievement in Directing: Alfonso Cuarón

Guillermo Del Toro makes a joke that he can actually pronounce the winner’s name. Cuarón makes a wonderful speech, which he reads off of little notecards. This man was prepared.

Best Picture: Green Book

OK. At least it wasn’t A Star is Born. But Green Book is definitely not our first choice. We would have much preferred The Favourite. Also, all these white fools come up on stage and try to invoke the wrath of Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher’s wrath is not for these dudes to invoke.

Finally, here’s our review of Green Book.

We’re done by 11:20 p.m.! We actually prefer this host-less Oscars set up.

Want to read more nonsense?

Read our Golden Globes recap here and last year’s Oscars recap here, which was probably more iconic and less messy than this one.

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